Satisfied .

Hey guys, so the 3rd of March is finally over. Yes, finally I can actually move on with life. Honestly, on Wednesday night, I couldn't sleep, eat or even breathe properly. I was thinking about the results and yes, I was nervous like nervous to the level where I can't actually watch the TV or scroll my phone without imagining the word, SPM. I felt ready sad for some reasons that I can't actually tell you. You know, ever since day 1 of form 4 till the last day of form 5, I've never enjoyed studying, I always had a feeling that I made my biggest mistake. I got straight A's for PMR and yes, I was happy because I totally deserved it. But I wasn't happy in form 4 or 5 because I was in Science stream and that's when my self esteem lowered to the point where I felt like I was the stupidest person in the whole school. I felt extremely lonely and sad.

After nearly two years of being in Science stream, I was scared to face SPM. I was scared that maybe I wasn't ready to face all those super hard subjects. But guess what, time never stops. So, during the whole month of SPM, I was trying my best to understand every single question before answering it. I answered my best and I hoped for the best results. Almost all the subjects were hard and I even felt that I couldn't get an A for English.

After SPM ended, everyone was already partying / celebrating their 'independence' but I was still thinking about SPM, I was still thinking about all my answers and how hard it was. I felt like I wanna die before March arrives. A lot of my friends told me that SPM was hard, and they couldn't do a lot of questions. I felt relieved because I thought I was the only one that felt that way. Three months passed by so swiftly that results day was today. Although I'm typing this at 1;31 a.m on the 4th of March but I'm still going to consider it's the 3rd of March.

So, today morning I went to school and I felt so nervous. I walked into the Dewan and a lot of parents were already there. I went to my friends and we talked. All of them were just as nervous as me and all together we were just one big bunch of nervous teenagers trying to figure out what the hell life's about. Then they started announcing all the Straight A's students and when they announced Afiqah Chek and Melissa Suraya, I was happy because they are really smart and they totally deserved it haha congrats guys if you guys are even reading my blog haha. After all of that, we can finally take our results. So as I expected, I didn't get straight A's and I went to my class teacher and she said 'Congrats Jay!' and she gave me my results. I looked at it and I felt satisfied then my classmates took their results too and they kinda got the same results as mine and we were just smiling. Then, I looked back again at my results and I got 3 B+ , like what the hell if all of that is like A- , I would be getting 8A's. But I was beyond grateful that my results are average and just fine.

I came back home and my Whatsapp was flooding with messages. I got to know that Dharrmin and Sid got 10A's , Sasi got 8A's, Sharon got 8A's, Morgan got 9A's and one of my cousin got 10A's. Yes, immediately I felt stupid. I felt like they were saying the exams were hard and they go straight A's, while I was saying the exams were hard and I only got an average result. I just went into my room, cried and I felt stupid; again. I felt stupid because I didn't get 8A's or anything. I felt my results was just a wooden fence and their results was the huge triple storey mansion behind the wooden fence. Then, I felt sad, I didn't eat lunch and proceed to reply all the congrats messages that were sent to me. I felt happy at school, but now I feel like shit at home. I have no one to talk to and I feel like my future's over. Then, I calmed myself down and I talked to myself. 

I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. I'm sure all my friends are gonna get scholarships and they will be leaving this place and going to a new place to future their studies. I don't know whether I can even get any courses. I just feel the best thing now is to do form 6 or maybe go to matrics. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life. Why does my results have to be so average? Am I being ungrateful? No, I'm satisfied and grateful with my results. I just hope people won't say bad things about me just because I didn't get straight A's for SPM like how I got for UPSR & PMR. As I'm finishing this paragraph, tears are rolling down my cheeks, I'm crying because I hate myself and there's nothing anyone can do about it- bye .

ps; just ignore all the typos, just too tired to even read this back ;(

 

Inspirations and Rants.

so, today is indeed a special day, it's the 1st of February and that means we are gonna go through the shortest month of the whole year and hell is approaching. Are you puzzled when I said hell's approaching? well be puzzled no more as March is gonna arrive quite soon and yes, I'm already freakin' out. Anyways, before I start talking about the results and stuffs, I just wanna say I'm currently having the time of my life. I'm free as a plankton in the Pacific Ocean and now, mother effin Big Beluga Whale is gonna swallow me 30 days from now. Isn't life beautiful and sophisticated enough for us to all plan our death day earlier. 







Yesterday, I went to the Karnival Jom Masuk U that was held at the one and only Stadium Darul Aman and yes, it was like hectic. It was like Tesco had a sale and people had only 2 minutes to grab their gluten free vege (what the hell am I talking). So, I went there around 9 in the morning and I waited for approx another 1 hour and 30 damn minutes for my another two friends to arrive then all three of us went into the carnival and I was already blur as f. First things first, I don't even have a clue what the hell I'm gonna study and what the hell I'm gonna do with my life. Yes, everyone please give a round of applause to me because I'm just weird and so not prepared. I walked like a hobo that's homeless and literally starving for a week as I braced the crowds of really annoying people. A lot of people were in there and that place was like stuffed. I finally felt the same way as a sardine. Like, from now on I promise to all sardines in the world that I feel bad for you sardines to be in an effin can for 12 months. 







I went to a couple of universities and as usual just ask some weird questions. At that exact moment I knew what I was gonna be, I knew it, I was happy, I heard firecrackers and I saw crowds cheering my name, and awards and yes, I saw myself in Youtube FanFest. If you're my friend, let me tell you a few things,you should by now know why the f I mentioned Youtube FanFest. Okay,after SPM ended, life was beautiful, I can finally know how it feels to be a Tesco plastic bag. Yes, Katy Perry yes stop asking me "do you feel like a plastic bag?' because yes I know how I feel now. I'm mentioning Tesco since just now, okay, Tesco pay me now or at least please don't effin charge me for plastic bags on Saturdays !








As you all know, how much I love Youtube and how it has become like a huge part of my life right now. I'm currently watching a lot of Youtube videos nowadays and I feel happy. I'm a huge fan of the one and only, iiSuperwomanii a.k.a Lilly Singh because she's dope. I admire her so much because the purpose of her uploading videos online because she has depression and she wants to self medicate herself and she wants people to be happy all the time. Isn't she amazing?!?! and her movie which is a documentary about her world tour is gonna be on youtubeRed this month and I'm absolutely looking forward.







Lilly Singh is only the youtuber that has created a global fan base by uploading videos, there are many others that inspire me everyday. Connor Franta is freakin awesome as hell. He is so deep and he's really good in giving life advices and he's talented in both writing and photography. Colleen Ballinger / Miranda Sings , she's the reason why I laugh everyday and she's super insprational and I love her videos and she's talented as f. Ryan Higa is the reason why I feel stupid, like have you seen his videos, like he edits it in so many mind blowing ways and I love his sense of humor. Lastly, Jenna Marbles is the reason haters should shut the f up because she has achieved so many great things and she's the most subscribed female on youtube.








All these people above achieved their success because they are doing what they love. Even though some people might disagree with me but these people are actually paving the way for the digital era by displaying their digital talent. I really hope one day I can do the same because to me , having your own youtube channel is like having your own country. You're the King, President and the people. You can talk what ever you want to talk and it's your own space and no one is allowed to change it or make a difference. I just hope one day I can make my own youtube channel and make weekly videos for people around the world.









Then after the carnival, I and my friends, we walked to city plaza and had McD for lunch and we watched a horror movie before hitting back home. Honestly, I just wanna say, throughout my whole high school years, I felt like people were constantly lying to me. It's not they are lying to me about typical stuffs but I felt they were lying to me about their life. Even though high school ended and a lot of people have already closed the book, but not me. I'm always reflecting what I did in high school and I realized that my real friends were decreasing every year till the last year. I just hope that they will live happily ever after or so. As usual, I'm going to end this update with a huge thanks to all the people that stayed with me though the thick and thin, I love you guys and bye.















p.s ; just ignore all the typos :)

Goodbye .

so, guess what, guess what, why am I repeating this so many times and what the hell am I even doing. SPM's over. Like real over. I can finally feel the sense of freedom again although right now my eyebrows are all curved up because I feel like I just spelled the word 'freedom' wrong. Did I spell it right or wrong? I don't know nor I don't give a shit. Anyways, finally after battling for 2 years , we can at least lay our swords down for about 3 months or so.

The thing is, sincerely I hate SPM, because you wanna know why, because after SPM's over , we need to leave school, like leave leave leave leave school and I hate leaving school, I hate leaving my friends behind, and everything else. Okay, let me just sum up my high school years. In 2011, I entered SMJ as a really smart person that doesn't know what he wants to do in future and at that time I loved math. Like math was bae and we were hashtag relationship goals as f , you get what I mean. Then, since I was in 1 Intelek, I met really weird people like jihah, shahira, dan and afiq and instantly I was no longer the person I am because you wanna know why, you wanna know why, why am I repeating this, call 911 hahaha why am I laughing alone, I'm so creepy. It's because that's when I entered drama and to be honest I was such a shy person when I was in primary school despite the fact that I was a really active student, like there was this one time when I had to say the ikrar thingy during the assembly and I went on the stage and I didnt even tilt my head upwards and I just starred at the floor and just spill out my lines. 

In 2013, I was in 3 Intelek, which was clearly the best class ever. and I became really best friends with Afiqah, Syai, Azamir, Hasron and the others. Man, I really miss all of them and everything, hope we can actually do a reunion back because I really miss every one of them. Let's fast forward to the time when I made the worst decision of my entire existence when I had to choose Science stream instead of Art stream because I got good results in my PMR. I am really really weak in science, like I'm quite a slow learner when it comes to things that has calculations and shit. The entire two years of learning in Science stream made me realize that I was in the wrong lane. I was the one that was holding up the traffic in the highway, I don't know whether you got that reference but if you didn't actually get it, I'm sorry. So, I just wanna say that this is the last time I am ever going to take Science based subjects because I am weak at it and I am more language/facts kinda person, not calculative and equations related things. But anyways, I struggled for 2 years and SPM was hard, like the four hardcore subjects were hard, the other 5 teras subjects were pretty okay and some of the questions were hard. I hope I can really get good results so that I can future my studies in something that I love doing. 

Last but not least, I wanna say thank you to all my friends, like from form 1 till 5 for always staying by my side and being my pillars of strength and to all my friends that left me because I was not good enough, I just wanna say that at first it was hard for me to actually accept the fact, but then I realized that you can live without me,so can I. And shout out to all the teachers at SMJ that thought me so many different things, and changed me into the person I am now. Thanks to my Drama Team, Choral Team, Anthe Gang, Mighty Minds Team and LTS Latenight for all the support and thank you for changing my life into a really high speed roller coaster without any safety belts and no life insurance. Till we meet again SMJ and everyone.

Adios !

ps ; the header's dope right, thanks Mango / @shafiqahamira for actually wasting your precious time and making me one haha.

pps ; sorry if I didn't mention your name or anything in this post because I can't actually describe person by person because it's time consuming.

6/8/2014

So, what the hell happened the other day? Like during the Kubang Pasu District Level Drama Competition? Okay before I'm gonna blurt everything about it, so yeah guess what number we got? Nah, I'll tell you later, so now I'm gonna tell you how was the day of the competition.

"This is the part when I break free cause' I can't resist it no more."

The night before the competition, 5th August 2014, was like the most craziest night ever. Like all of us were like super nervous and we were hoping so much that we could win just like we won in 2011. With multiple goodlucks coming through Twitter, Whatsapp, WeChat and teachers, almost everyone we know at school were wishing us goodluck and some even said that we would nail it, like super easy because we have experience going to the states level. So, like we were so tired that night since for the whole day we have been practicing and we went to Coconut Island and even test the sound effects and acting on their stage. Talking about nervousness, yeah try imagining, like 5 other schools were practically gluing their eyeballs on us, like we are our weak spots and stuffs but sorry guys, we totally lied the way we acted on stage, we were purposely messing things up so that our performance on the real competition day will be something like a suprise for them. So after practicing at Coconut Island, we headed back to our school and of course, me, viper, dan, afiq and thancanor, we went there and came back with sir marphy's car, while jamming to ariana grande's song, Problem, like who doesn't like ariana grande.Then the others they went back with Teacher Shafiza and they went for some last minute shopping for props and stuffs. So, after they came back, we practiced a few more times till 4pm, then we decided to stop and just relax because we were too tired practicing. Then, viper decided to jam some instrumental with a guitar and we were singing our own songs like 'I love you Mommy', 'Get Out Of My Lawn' and more. It was so awesome because I recorded like every song we sang together and played it through the speakers so it turned out to be like a miniature Taylor Swift acoustic concert. Like after that we wished each other goodluck and we got back home.







The day of the competition, 6th August 2014, I woke up thinking to myself, today is the day that we have been waiting for like for 2 freakin years, since 2012. I wore my costume at home and I was so scared that anything might happen there, so I brought my speakers, my usb, memory cards and wires and everything, like for example if our laptop can't connect to Coconut Island's speakers, than we can use my phone and my speakers to play our sound effects and songs. I called shahira and told her to bring the trophy that we won in our previous drama competition because we need it as our props and it's also something like a goodluck charm for our team. So I took everything and I went to school and of course the pak guard was looking at me like I'm some outsider, because I was wearing my costume. I walked straight to the dewan and the others were like dresssing up and stuffs, so we were like all nervous at that time and we brought all our props to gate A and waited there for our bus to arrive. About 25 supporters showed up and we all boarded the bus and it was starting to rain. In the bus we were singing and we were like so happy at some point because we are finally going to compete. After a extremely shaky ride, we arrived at Coconut Island. The worst thing ever is our bus didn't enter the Coconut Island's school compound and that leaves us to actually grab all our props and yeah, we were wet. But that was a not a problem for us since there's like a lot of fans installed inside the hall. So we checked in and brought all of props into the hall and other schools were already there and of course they were looking at us; again. Then all of a sudden haifaa called out asking where is the extension wire and tragedy strikes, we left it in the bonnet of the freakin bus. Like without the extension, there's no way we can plug in our disco light and without the disco lights, it's gonna be a disaster.






I asked nasuha for her extension, good thing I told her to bring one if there's an emergency and yeah, this is indeed one big ass emergency. But then we glance to each other, like is this extension cukup panjang for us to actually drag it from the side of the stage to the middle? So, me, mel, shahira and thancanor decided to go and talk with coordinator of the competition. We told her that our bus left before we could take our extension and we only have a short extension now and we don't even know like if it's enough long for us to actually drag it from the side of the stage. She panicked and she was like asking the technical people on the stage for a longer extension wire and at last she found a power supply which is right below the stage and our extension is like working perfectly fine because the power supply is like attached to the stage. So we were so happy and she was happy for us because we finally found a solution for our problem. Then, we asked the stage people like can we test our sound system like one last time because we had problems trying it the day before and they let us. We tried playing a few songs and it worked, so we were like so satisfied and we thanked the coordinator for helping us out. Then, we got back to our team and we placed our props and stuff at the back of the hall, where we have been provided like an area where we can put all our props, so we placed it there and took our breakfast, it was fried bihun and no one ate it because we had like bad past regarding food during competitions, like every time if we eat before or after we perform, we will lose. It's something close to a superstitious believe but the shit thing is, it's damn hell true.





After we took our breakfast, we went to our respective seats where our school's name was labelled. I felt happy at that time because I was remembering how happy Sir Shaufiq, Miss Nisrin, and Teacher Norihah would be if they know that we are back in the game. We sat there anxiously while chatting with the Coconut Island team since they were sitting in front of us. Then, all the other teams from other schools were taking their seats as the competition was about to start. The host welcomed the judges and I was like petrified for a sec because I know 3 out of the 5 judges. The competition started with the first team, which is from Hosba and their drama was nice. We were like singing to all the songs, especially 'Fancy'. After their performance, the second team, I forgot what school it was but at that time, we were already nervous as a pregnant horse. Our drama teacher, Teacher Shafiza was telling us to calm down and we are gonna be fine, we can do this. At that time, I turned to mel and I told her




"It's been like two years mel, all those hard work that we have gone through will finally be judged, I really hope that we can win this."

 "Jayshan, I always think that faith won't let me enter drama, but now I'm here, sitting with you guys, this is the day that we have been waiting for the past 2 years, I just can't express my feelings how happy I am to be here."





Then time was moving extremely fast till it was break time. That only means one thing, we are the next team that's gonna perform. During break time, we were like practically checking our props and making sure that we don't leave anything behind. Then, break time was over. All the judges are back and the crowd of people was like bigger. The host was starting to announce our team and Teacher Shafiza was saying to us our final goodluck. We were waiting outside the hall now, we need to enter through the side of the hall and we were like nervous as hell. Then the speech ended and we heard the applause, and that means we need to walk on to stage and start performing like right now. I walked on the stage and I told to myself, we are gonna make history. The preparation of our props was fast. I took the extension and fixed it with a little help from the time keepers since the power source is like off stage and we can't get down from the stage. Everyone was so fast and our teamwork was flawless. Then, in under 3 minutes we managed to settle all the props and our positions, we froze and I saw the time keeper press the stopwatch indicating that we are starting.




Our narrator, afiqah chek, walked confidently and narrated. Then scene 1 began. I was looking at the crowd's reaction every time we made our joke and the teachers from Coconut Island was laughing and the host was laughing and some people were laughing but surely the other people in that hall was like completely silent. I was like pissed at some point with the other teams from other schools sitting at the audience, like why do you have to be rude and not even laugh at our jokes or clap for us. We were like clapping for you guys but when it's our turn, no one gives a damn about it, like why do people hate us, we didn't even do anything to you guys. Thank God we brought supporters and I must say, they did a pretty good job as they were clapping for us and that made the dead audience come to life. Then, we did scene 2 and that's when the crowd was like shocked because our voices was like super loud, scene 3 was awesome because we played the chorus of Iggy Azalea's Fancy when mel and viper made the entrance and it was so cool. Then, scene 4 went well and scene 5 was like my favourite scene because there's like performances where mel is Cher Llyod and viper is Demi Lovato and they sang Really Don't Care. Then, it's our turn to perform, this is so embarassing, I need to fake play a guitar, afiq played drums and fizah played the keyboard and jihah became our Ariana Grande as she sang Break Free and the audience was like clapping at that point and we were like so happy plus the lighting and the bubbles that added a touch virtual 3D effect and we performed Break Free live before Ariana so yeah we are cool like dat. Then after all the scenes ended, thancanor played the song Somebody To You by The Vamps and we all hold hands and gave our final bow to the audience and everyone was clapping, then we said this after bowing

"We don't find ourselves, We create ourselves."

Then everyone went backstage and jihah and afiqah chek were the only ones left on stage and then they said these final lines,

"It's Over?"

"Yeah, it's OVER."

and yet no one knew that it was our final goodbye.




Then we heard the host was introducing the next team, so we had to grab all our props and get the hell of that stage. We managed to take all our props, we didn't even leave a single molecule of it on that stage. After that we exited the stage and out of the hall. We were happy and tired at that point because we took all of our props like super fast then we were like satisfied with our performance, very satisfied. We took all our props and walked back into the hall and placed our props at the space provided and Teacher Shafiza came to us and she said we were good and we didn't exceed the time given and our props was fast. Then she said there's chicken rice for all of us but none of us dared to even touch it because remember the whole superstitious thing about not eating after performing? Haha, so we sat down at our seats and we were only drinking water and watching back our performance on shahira's iPad since we asked one of our supporters to record it. We were satisfied with our performance because we only made minor mistakes and we were fast, the teamwork among us was epic and we didn't even eat rice yet. Then suddenly mel was sad because her Galaxy Grand 2 lost and we were finding it and stuffs but no one knows where it went. And the bummer is, she bought it like the night of the competition and she hasn't even downloaded a single app on it and I hope that asshole who took it will pay the price one day. So, then all the performances were over and now we just have to wait for the results. Then it's break time again but we didn't go anywhere because we were nervous and scared that we might lost because danial told me like he's scared that our drama might get overshadowed by the fairytale theme dramas.





We sat silently while thinking about what place we are gonna get, like 3? 2? 1? or none? Then the second break time is over and the results will be out in matters of secs. The judges came in back into the hall and the head judge gave a speech about how talented and how intense the competition was and she even said that to her, all of us are winners. Then, the host took the microphone and his fist was wrapping it tightly as the results are gonna be out. He invited the judge and some other important people from the PPD to go on stage to give the prizes, The moment of truth will be revealed now, like this very second. The host's eyes were looking onto the results and he said




'Ladies and gentlemen, we will start with the participation certificate receivers (in other words it's saguhati) and please welcome, team 5!'



My heart literally stopped beating and crushed like into a zillion pieces and I lost my breath and I was like petrified. We got saguhati? Like am I dreaming or something, like this can't be happening for real, this isn't real. I regain my conciousness when I heard



'Team 5, please go on stage to receive your certificates."




I didn't even hear a single applause coming from anyone. Everyone was looking at us, more like starring at me because I stood up and Teacher Shafiza was like "Jayshan, it's okay, go now." and I adjusted my loose steps and went onto that stage, I refused to look at the audience because no one was clapping and the PPD officer looked at me and he said congrats and he shook my sweaty hands. said thank you then I was about to walk off when he held my left shoulder and asked "What you're from?" and I replied "SMJ" and he was like shocked. I walked down the heavy steps down the stage and embraced the whole audience by keeping my shit together so that I don't actually make a scene by screaming or something. Then, when I reach my seat, my whole team was like silent and viper asked me "WHAT THE HELL, WE GOT LAST?" and of course at that time I was like stunned and I answered "No, this is just the participation certificate." and inside my 185 cm gigantic body, I know we lost, I was about to tell the truth but I lied, I hate myself.




 Then they announced the winners and the whole thing ended. My whole team was sad. Like for sure, if you wrote your own script, practiced for TWO YEARS, worked our butts off and finally get the opportunity to compete in the districts after 2 years of failed attempts and now, everything is gone, forever. We took our loose knees and headed out of the hall. We took all our props and boarded our bus without even looking at the other teams. No one was freakin out-yet. We boarded the bus and we ate our fried bihun in the bus while swearing. Then, we arrived at our school and I told everyone to gather at the hall and we all sat there. Teacher Shafiza was sad, because we did everything perfectly but we didn't even win top three or anything. We all ate our chicken rice while complaining about everything. Then, Teacher Shafiza told us to go home to get some rest and be proud of ourselves. She went home after that, then mel went home because she was sad because her phone lost and we didn't win. Then, danial went back and it continued with jihah and viper. Then it was just me, afiq, haifaa, shahira, afiqah, syamin, nasuha and thancanor. We had a chill out party on stage and we plugged the disco lights and we played songs through the speakers and dance and sing all crazy and acting all wild. Then, we made our 'I-G-G-Y' video and of course it was cool, because we did it ,like it's so obvious haha. Then after that everyone said goodbye and we went home.





I arrived at home and I was so sad and I didn't even eat or sleep. I was like pissed at some point. Then, people were asking like what number did we get and everything and all I could say is we didn't win because we didn't know what number we got. Most of the people were like you guys lost, you people must be kidding because you guys were so good and stuffs. Then, all of our friends and a few teachers and even our principal congratulated us eventhough we didn't win and they said there's always next year but since next year is SPM and stuffs , so maybe this is our final year in drama , maybe we will be entering drama next year, it depends, all we can do is hope. Then we got some good news the next day, viper called me and told me that we got 4th place, it's confirmed that we got 4th place but still it sucks.




I'm glad to actually have people like my drama team because they are so weird, noisy, cool, smart, sweet, sarcastic, swears a lot ( not kidding on this one) , creative, and super awesome. Like, I'm so happy to be a part of this drama team with you guys. Thanks you guys for all the weird stuffs that you guys have done for me and for the whole team. I hope that our friendship will last forever even if we are old and filled with white hair folicles. This whole drama, Taking A Chance indeed gave us an enormous impact that can't be reversed by anyone. We made history by shinning drama love to everyone, creating an emission of extreme happiness and of course, we left an unintended spark on that very stage, we will be remembered as the bunch of weirdos that made something special. And special thanks to Teacher Shafiza, Miss Nisrin, Sir Shaufiq, Teacher Norihah and Sir Redza for destroying us and poisoning us with love towards theater and musical and finally hugs and special thanks to the Taking A Chance Drama Team =  Danial, Afiq, Shahira, Najihah, Mellisa Suraya, Viphawanee, Afiqah Chek, Fizah, Nasuha, Syamin, Haifaa, Titie, Nabyhah, and Thancanor for making this into an unforgettable masterpiece.

Top starting from the left : Nabyhah, Nasuha, Shahira and Titie
Second row from the left : Danial , Haifaa (Panah) , Najihah, Afiq and Me
Bottom row from the left : Viper, Mel, Syamin, Afiqah Chek, and Fizah

 "Sometimes in life all we need to do is ditch the haters, sprinkle a little hope, put our hearts up, boost our confidence, take a chance, make a change and make it shine."

and just like what jihah and afiqah said on stage,

"It's over?"

"Yeah, it's over."

Taking A Chance : Chapter 1 - Goodbye.

'till we meet again Dad and you too, Wisconsin.'

I looked around my room; dull and pale. The ceramic white paint is beginning to peel off by itself with some help it can gain from the heater. Well, since now all my stuffs are packed inside three large brown boxes, I shall just accept that faith is backstabbing me. I looked at one of the boxes, which is still open. I glance over to see that my books and clock that I got from last year’s poetry competition are inside there, not having fun though. I took a masking tape and shut the covers of the box and taped it up. Just like that box, my life is over, here.

I don’t know whether to blame it on Mum or Dad. The whole divorce thing, well it’s more complicated than the ‘Scandal’ series airing on tv. Being the only girl, the only child at the age of sixteen, where unstable emotions and heartbreaks rule. I can’t even think straight ever since I came back from the court. The judge at the court have decided that my Mum will be taking care of me while my Dad can just marry someone else and have tons of kids because he is a man and not a lady like my Mum, but under one condition, he must take care of my finance till I’m 21 or till I get married to someone way better than himself or till I get a job. So, from tomorrow onwards I won’t be having a family; a complete family to be precise. Dad moved out one week ago, so technically I was living with a not-so-complete family for a week already. I looked at my watch and its already 11.00 a.m, I need some fresh air I thought to myself. I stood up and walk out of my empty, lifeless room. I hurried myself downstairs and grab my Everlast sweater and yelled at Mum.

‘Mum! , I’m going out for a while, need some air!’

‘Okay , make sure to come back before lunch !’ Mum replied.

I turned the brass knob of my front door before a gush of breezy wind hit my face. I started walking to the streets. I tried to avoid looking at anyone because I’m not in the mood to smile at strangers. I took a few turns till I reached my school. I entered my school’s compound without even caring that the guards were looking at me. I know today is Sunday and it’s a holiday but since, I’m moving tonight, I need to say my final goodbye to my beloved school. I headed straight to the lobby where my locker is situated at and as I pass the notice boards, I realized that I never actually knew that we had an economics club. Man, I suffered through science club because I hate science because science is the reason why people make mistakes, science is the reason why people get married, it’s all science’s fault. Feeling frustrated, I opened my locker so hard without even giving a damn that I might just break the whole thing. Well, at least I need to do something rebellious so that people will remember me. I will be gone tonight and I wonder if tomorrow people at school will realize that I’m gone.

 I know I’m not a popular, or a pretty or a talented girl but at least people need to know me for something. Like how Rebecca is known for her braces and how Frankie is known for his weird ears, maybe they’ll know me as who I am, a stupid girl with a messed-up family. I looked into my locker and took out my stuffs. Crumpled papers dominated my locker and between them are broken pens, test papers, chips, a mirror and an expired sim-card. I took out all of that and dumped them into the rubbish bin. After cleaning my locker, I gave my locker one last glance before closing it. I wandered around the classes. I entered the library and there was no one, not even the librarian. I went into my classroom and took my picture out of the jar. We have a jar in our class, it’s called the friendship jar. Like, in my class, there are 32 of us, so each of us need to put our picture into the jar as a sign of eternal friendship. I don’t think they need to remember me. I’m not that good in talking to people. I would rather be locked up in my room with novels and food rather than out and about socializing with attention seekers.

I exited my class and walked towards my school’s auditiorium. The auditorium is the  place that I’m gonna miss the most I guess, because I used to practice school plays and write poetry here. The auditorium is like the most liveliest place, where all the ideas come to life and it’s the only place that I’m happy I guess. I went on to the stage and I stood up there and glance towards the audience. Of course it’s empty, but what matters the most is I’m happy now. I sat at the edge of the stage with my legs dangling like the loose branches of an old oak tree. My thoughts wander as I sat there. I questioned myself, like what I’m gonna do at my new school, how can I actually mix with all those new people, will people love me or hate me, and the most important thing is , will my life get any better? Or it will be worse?

I was so into my personal thoughts till it drifted me away and I just realized that I was starring at the red chairs below there in the audience without even blinking for like 10 minutes. I stood up and dust myself off before leaving the auditorium with my eyes all watery because I know I’m gonna miss this place , because even my heart says so. I strolled towards the gate of my school and glance at my school from the entrance for one last time. ‘Goodbye Wisconsin High’ I whispered.

I exited my school and headed to the streets; again. I shove my hands into the holes of my sweater. I felt my tummy rumbling so I decided to stop at the Dylan’s Diner . Well, since the weather is quite chilly maybe I could use some of Dylan’s hand tossed cheese pancakes. I pushed the glass door with my right hand and now I’m in the diner. The thing about Dylan’s Diner , it’s not like any other diner with fixed tables or hard stools. At Dylan’s, everything is more soft and comfy. Like the chairs are soft and the colors of the walls are soft, like practically the whole diner is just soothing and relaxable. I sat at the corner of the diner and the waitress, based on her name tag, she’s Racheal.

‘Hello, good morning miss, can I take your order?’ She asked me.

‘Good morning to you to Racheal, yeah, I would love to have three cheese pancakes with 

primrose honey, hand tossed and a hot coco with nuts.”

Her hands were moving so fast, then she tore a receipt and placed it gently on to my table.

‘Three pankys coming right up!’ She told me before leaving.

I just laughed because although I’ve been here like a zillion times but I still think that those waitresses saying the word ‘pankys’, like it’s so weird and it doesn’t make any logical explanation at all. Why can’t they just say ‘Pancakes’ instead of ‘Pankys’. As I was busy giggling all alone, I didn’t realize that my phone was ringing. I looked at my phone screen and the ID appeared. It’s Dad. I was about to ignore it but I need to at least respect the guy who contributed something to my existence , so I answered.

‘Hey sweetheart!, it’s me your dad’

‘Hi, yeah I still remember you voice, duh’ I replied with a sarcastic tone.

‘So, where are you, are you free today?’

‘I’m at Dylan’s , since I’ll be leaving tonight, so I might as well have my last breakfast here, you wanna join me?’ I asked him.

‘Owh, what time is it now’

‘Hurm, 12’ I replied without even looking at my watch.

‘I’ll be there in 15, okay?’

‘Sure.’ I hung up.

So, now at least I’ll have some company, I was planning to have a chat with Racheal but since now my dad is coming, I’ll just chat with that old guy before leaving, you know in case after this he might forget me or so. I was busy looking at my phone when Racheal appeared all of a sudden, bringing my pancakes or should I say ‘Pankys’ with her.

‘Here you go miss, your Pancakes and your coco.’

‘It’s ‘pankys’ Racheal.’ I corrected her while laughing.

‘Oh yeah, I’m sorry, I just started working here since last week.’

‘No, No, it’s okay, I was just kidding Racheal. So, where you’re from?’ I asked her.

‘Hahaha, I’m from Michigan, I moved here, to Wisconsin like 3 weeks ago, because my Dad, he 

got a job at the hardware company.’

‘Owh, which hardware company?’

‘Lauren’s, my Dad used to work at that company when we were at Michigan.’ She replied while wiping her fingers on her apron.

‘Oh, so what you are-.’ I can’t complete my sentence as I saw Dad walking towards me.

Dad looked just like last time. With the same old jeans and t-shirt tucked in all coated with a pale-brown denim jacket. All he’s missing is a cowboy hat. Well, it’s been only a week since the divorce, that explains why he is still all organized. Racheal stood beside me as Dad took a seat in front of me.

‘Hey, Nat and good morning miss.’

‘Hey Dad!’ My smile was bigger than my face.

‘Good morning to you too, anything I can help you with.’ Racheal asked Dad.

‘I would love to have salad, make it large and a shot of Tequila.’ He told her.

‘Okay, you guys chat while I’ll bring the orders okay.’ Racheal walked away.

Dad looked at me suspiciously as I was starring at him till my eyeballs are about to pop off my skull.

‘Why darling, what’s wrong?’ He asked me, he was not smiling anymore.

‘Dad, like seriously, you just spoiled the whole thing! Like who eats salad with a shot of Tequila. It doesn’t make any sense. Salads are healthy but Tequilas?’ I jammed my fork into my pancakes.

‘Haha, darling, there will be a day when you will realized how important marriage is-.’ He didn’t even finished his sentence and he’s already laughing for no reason.

I was confused. How important marriage is? What does that even have to do with salads and tequilas. I shove a spoonful of pancakes into my mouth while waiting for Dad to continue, but he was just laughing, even more.

‘Dad, can I ask you something?’ I gave him a serious look and he stopped laughing but his nose is still red.

‘Yeah , sure,  you can ask anything you want sweetie.’ And he folded his arms on the table and now his whole face is red.

‘Have you gone cuckoo?,  retarded?, like all psychotic without Mum?’

‘See, you got it, I didn’t even need to explain it to you, you’re one smart girl Nat-.’ He stopped as Racheal came and interrupted us with a big bowl of fresh salad and a shot of tequila.

‘Here you go, your salad and tequila Mr , err, excuse me sir what’s your name?’ Racheal asked.

‘I’m Mr Dallas Anderson, and this is my daughter, Natalie Anderson.’

‘Awh, nice names, okay bye, I don’t want to interrupt your father-daughter bonding talk and if you guys want anything, just ring the bell of your left’ And Racheal walked away.

I turned to my left and there’s a medium-sized bell hanging above our heads, to be exact, above Dad’s head. I looked at Dad and his green salad and his tequila that doesn’t make any sense to me, I ignored the weirdness that’s growing inside of that old man’s soul because I want him to be happy. As his child and only daughter, I’m not gonna forbid him, he is allowed to do anything as long as he’s happy with it.

‘So, Natalie, where are you and Mum moving to? China?’ There’s still some sense of sarcasm in him which I can’t deny.

‘No, we are going to Korea.’ I replied without looking at him.

‘What the hell, you guys are going to Korea?’ He believed.

‘No, we are going to Seattle.’ I looked at him straight in the eyes this time.

‘So, you guys need any help for transport or something to go there?’ He asked.

‘Mum said that she already arranged everything with our next door nanny.’

‘Who? What nanny?’ He stopped eating and looked at me suspiciously like I’m a serial killer.

‘Nanny Paula, yes we are going to Seattle with her.’

‘What the heck, you guys are following that Crazy Paula to Seattle? She might just kill you guys 

and steal all your money once you guys are there’ He gave a disappointed hush.

‘Paula is not crazy, she is just weird, like you, she is all lonely.’

‘Paula is not crazy? What do you mean Paula is not crazy. That hag made her son eat snails when 

he was 12!’

‘Maybe, you know her son is allergic to seafood. Besides, she is gonna visit her ‘snailed’ son there and we are gonna go somewhere else.’ I felt sad.

Dad didn’t reply anything after that. He just stayed silent and ate his salad. Maybe, he’s taking the whole divorce thing in a really bad way. Now, he’s taking tequilas maybe after this he’s gonna be an alcoholic and sobering at bars till midnight. I know my Dad is a person that doesn’t drink alcohol unless if he’s having a major problem or he’s just stressed. I drank my hot chocolate (that was no longer hot) and I played with the silver spoon till my Dad stood up and took a shot of his tequila.

‘I’ll drop you off at home okay?’

‘Okay.’ I replied without hesitating.

He paid the bill while I just followed him while folding my arms. In the car, things were pretty much awkward because I didn’t even speak a single word and the radio was off. He was so focused at the road , his eyes were gazing straight ahead like a tiger about to attack. I just lock 

and unlock my phone a dozen of times till I reached home. I said goodbye to him then he roared away. I walked into my house and things went pretty much fast. We ate , slept and we woke up and it’s already 6pm then we took our stuffs, locked the house door and took a taxi to the airport. We walked around the airport don’t even know what to do while waiting for our flight. 

Then it was already 10pm. They were announcing that our flight will be leaving in 30 minutes time. Then we checked in our belongings and boarded the flight. The engines of the aircraft made a heck of a noise before taking off. As we took off, I was looking out of my window, admiring at the veins of the city beneath me. The air conditioner is lowering down my energy, I felt sleepy so I decided to cover my legs with my blanket and tilt my chair to the back a bit and made myself a comfortable bed. I look outside again and I whispered alone to the city that I’m currently leaving, ‘till we meet again, Dad and you too, Wisconsin.'

Note : This like the teaser for Taking A Chance. I won't be posting the upcoming chapters here anymore. I'll post them on wattpad. This is currently NOT AVAILABLE on wattpad. I'll inform it here when it's available. Thanks for reading! Have fun!